8 Fights every Engaged Couples Need to Have
When my fiance and I were preparing for our wedding, I never thought deciding on trivial matters like flowers and photography could be so challenging and taxing. It didn’t help that my fiance was thousands of miles away while I was on my own preparing for the phone. We burned the phone lines making decisions on which supplier to get.
As they say, the engagement period and wedding preparations are but a trial run for the reality of life after ‘the wedding’ and it’s best to discuss and resolve these ‘challenges’ before you say ‘I do.’
The American Chronicle lists 8 pre-wedding fights that any engaged couple ‘must have’ before the big day:
1. The “Don’t Leave the Toilet Seat Up” Tussle
Now’s the time to address any petty grievances you both may have ignored until now. You’ve heard it a thousand times, and it holds true here – communication is key. We know - blah, blah, blah - but it’s cliche for a reason. You need to clear the air now, because these little gripes - left unsaid – can build up underlying tension over the years – only to bubble over and explode into a completely unrelated future argument. Remember to keep this discussion productive and lighthearted. Nagging or initiating a screaming duel over his pants left on the floor (again) is not going to solve anything.
2. The “You Want Me To Do What?” Melee
Unless a personal maid and assistant is on your bridal registry (a novel idea!) - someone’s gonna have to scour the shared bathroom in your new dwelling… You’ll soon find that they key to marital bliss is agreement on whose task is whose. While an itemized chore list is a tad ambitious, lay out expectations in advance and avoid future blowups. You should know each other well enough by this point to divvy tasks accordingly: common sense dictates that your fiance who bounced 3 checks last month should relinquish bill duty, and if your white sheets are now gray - best hand over laundry duty. And while you’re divvying out chores - discuss broader marriage roles. How do you see yourself as a wife? a mother? a professional? How does he see himself?
3. The “When Should We Procreate?” Debate
Don’t even consider walking down that aisle without a game plan for children. Avoid this discussion, and you risk bringing innocent bystanders into a world of dysfunction - namely, yours. Before your wedding day, reach a consensus on: when those little feet will start to pitter patter, how many feet will be doing the pattering, and whether they’ll even patter at all.
Read the rest HERE.
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POSTED IN: Getting Engaged
3 opinions for 8 Fights every Engaged Couples Need to Have
Shonnie
Sep 25, 2006 at 6:56 pm
This column offers some ideas about important conversations to have before you commit yourself to marriage. As a relationship coach and author of I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook, I’m a strong proponent of intimate, honest, pre-marital conversations. My point of contention with this article is its “slant” of “8 Fights.” What we focus on is what we attract, so if we anticipate “fights” with our fiancé or spouse, that’s what we’ll create. Therefore, if you want a happy, fulfilling, and loving marriage, I encourage you to “reframe” this article with the title of “8 Crucial Conversations” and replace any “fight” word (i.e., tussle, melee, debate, tug of war, etc.) with “conversation,” “talk,” or “discussion.”
Cori
Oct 17, 2006 at 3:21 pm
The idea was to inject a bit of humor into an otherwise serious subject. The overall tone is playful, tongue-in-cheek - in hopes to draw attention in an engaging manner. (as opposed to a counseling session written in stale - read boring - prose) The last sentence of the intro clarifies for anyone who needs clarification- “8 fights - er - discussions.”
gordman
Nov 6, 2007 at 6:58 am
You got that right, we have to face our demons before making the big step. Marriage is not a game, we need to make sure that the partner is the right person and this is a tough task for some of us. I think people marry too easily, and divorce even more easily. I think our society needs to settle several priorities to stop divorce.
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