What you need to know about Afghan Muslim Weddings
Are you engaged to an Afghan Muslim and unsure about the wedding traditions? Fazl ur Rahim Muzaffary has a great article on everything you need to know about Afghan muslim Weddings.
Marriage in the traditional Afghan culture has a deep-rooted process through which it treads step by step. Rarely do young men and women have an opportunity to meet each other, and the to-be wife is usually chosen in a haste. When a young man wants to marry a young lady who is from an unknown family, first his parents do some kind of background check about her, trying to know more about her morals, beauty, and other family affairs.
If they are contented with what they find, his parents will send a female family member or a relative to her house in order to understand, indirectly or directly, and would disclose the proposal, if the situation is favorable. This consultation process takes some time, and a date is usually fixed to announce the decision among the relatives, if both sides are satisfied with this deal.
The Engagement
Shereny khory or namzady (Dari for: engagement) is the first step to formalize the affinity. The groom’s father, accompanied by some kinfolk and elders, comes to the bride’s home in a prefixed date with bags of sweets and gifts for the to-be bride, some money and clothes to some family members. After the food is served, the groom’s father or a respected man from among the guests formally unveils the purpose for their coming and puts the demand as if the bride’s father accepts his son “as a servant of him.”
An elder man from the bride’s extended or close family receives this demand, and both sides discuss and agree on things such as dowry, jewelry, expenses of the wedding, and other necessities —which are in most cases beyond the capacity of the to-be groom’s family.
As it is agreed, a big qand (Dari for: lump sugar) is broken with two sides present and mixed up with sweets to be distributed in small bags among the participants.
Pre-Wedding Arrangements
The duration between the engagement and the wedding depends on several factors, including the financial ability of the groom. Soon after the engagement, the groom’s family provides some amount of money to the bride’s to buy things — like clothes, carpets, dishes, and jewelry — for the bride.
The groom’s family offers the dowry, the home, and expenses of the wedding party. In some cases, in this period the to-be groom may opt to live with his to-be father-in-law, but without seeing his fiancée till he finishes the dowry by serving his father-in-law. However, appointments would be arranged to gather the bride and the groom, so that they can speak for a while about themselves. This is called naamzad baazy (Dari for: meeting each other.)
During this period, the future couples can exchange gifts with the help of a third person. The groom’s parents also take gifts for the bride and visit her on different occasions like `Eid.
Henna Night
Takht e khina (Dari for: henna party) is arranged one night before the wedding. The groom’s family prepares enough henna that suffices all the participants.
The henna is taken in a tray and put in a basket decorated with flowers and candles. Children wearing new traditional cloths carry the henna basket with music all the way from the groom’s home to the bride’s home.
After serving the guests at the bride’s home, music is again played. The bride’s elder brother brings the groom near to the sofa where the bride is sitting in her colorful wedding dress.
The groom’s female relatives don’t let the bride pass and joke with her asking to “first pay then enter”.
More information can be found HERE.
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POSTED IN: Wedding Traditions and History
1 opinion for What you need to know about Afghan Muslim Weddings
Matt
Sep 18, 2008 at 4:22 pm
This column by Christina is justifiably untrue! Being an American with Afghan Parents I can attest that this is not the case. This column is like compairing a traditional American Wedding in 1910 and an American Wedding in 2008. A quick lay of the land is Afghan’s dont believe in Pre Arranged Marriages. In fact; An Afghan Wedding is very similar to an American Wedding, sometimes minus the Alcohol. After a couple decides to get married; they consult their families and let them know. The two families meet and get to know eachother. (Meeting the in-laws). Then its Justice of the Peace time, and Engagement Party (usually paid for by the groom) and the Actual Wedding Reception (Usually paid for by the Bride/Family). Instead of meeting at the alter; The two families have a religious figure either come to the house or meet them right before the wedding reception and wed them traditionally. Once that is done, the reception starts………
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